Geese police, please!

Luke loved Chipotle. He left his office’s huge campus almost daily for a big, fat, spicy burrito.

One crisp spring day, Luke parked his car and started walking back toward his building. After about a third of his walk, he noticed a huge, sad-looking goose walking around in the parking lot.

“Is he lost,” Luke thought?

For some reason, Luke quacked at it. He was only trying to socialize in hopes to brighten the goose’s day.

Before Luke could even blink again, the goose started walking toward him – faster and faster.

Luke held on to his Chipotle bag tight – worried the goose was after his food – and started walking fast.

Luke probably only blinked twice more and noticed the goose was running toward him. Now Luke was obviously running, too.

“Thank God I have my badge around my neck instead of in my pocket,” Luke thought as he plotted his safe escape.

For a second, Luke no longer heard the webbed-foot steps. He kept running, but quickly looked over his shoulder to make sure the goose wasn’t hurt.

The goose was up in the air, flying toward Luke – only about a foot behind him.

He certainly wasn’t prepared for it, but it happened. Luke felt a beak hit the back of his head, a long neck against the back of his neck, and flappy wings all the way across his back.

He screamed, but kept running.

Finally, he was only a few feet from his door. When he quickly looked back again, he saw the goose had fallen off his back and was getting up – preparing for strike two.

Luke quickly swiped his badge, hustled in and slammed the door behind him.

He went straight to the safety manager to let her know of the goose threat.

Later that afternoon, as he was indulging in his burrito, he had dozens of visitors asking if he was OK. Apparently, almost everybody in the office witnessed the goose attack from the fully-windowed, glass building.

 

Susan Kinney, Owner of Geese Police of Wisconsin

“If you encounter an aggressive goose, stand your ground,” Susan said. “You never turn your back on a nasty goose. You stand still and raise your arms so that you look much bigger than they are.”

Susan said geese become aggressive only during mating season, which is usually in the spring.

“Stay away from mad geese,” she said. “I’ve had geese fly into me to keep me away from their nest.”

Geese police of Wisconsin use highly trained border collies to keep geese out of properties. Each employee has one dog that’s specifically trained for goose control. Susan buys them trained.

“We don’t remove them, we don’t touch them,” Susan said. “They’re federally protected and you can’t touch them.”

 

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this short story, excluding interviews, are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.